The Verdict is in - I'm Officially a Wine Snob!

I’m not a wine snob. Never have been and never will be. Or so I thought. But after an objective assessment using rigorous scientific data and analysis methods (I mean, I am a mathematician and statistician by trade!) and much self-reflection, the verdict is in – I am officially a wine snob, and not very proud of it. Read on to see how this all happened and how I plan to get the help I need and reform myself!

I had planned to write this blog post about wine snobs, and how they make all other “normal” wine lovers like me look bad. I was going to lead off with an anecdote about a visit I made to a wine store in Minnesota a few years ago when I was visiting family there. I was genuinely interested in trying a MN wine since I had never tasted one before. I asked the salesperson for a recommendation on a good MN wine, and he quickly responded, “There are no good MN wines – they don’t exist.” So, I asked him, “OK, what is the best MN wine you have in the store?” He responded, “All MN wine is terrible, and I can’t in good conscience recommend any of them to you!” I thanked him and ended up selecting a MN red wine that was, well, not good. But it wasn’t terrible and I’m confident someone makes good wine in MN. He was the epitome of a wine snob, and he likely never won a “salesman of the year” award!

After that, I was going to create a “you know you’re a wine snob if, …” list which I actually did. But after finishing my list, I realized, to my surprise and horror, that I met over half of my own criteria for being a wine snob. How could that have happened?! First, let’s review the criteria I developed.

You know you’re a wine snob if:

• You get mad instead of just sad when you see someone put ice in their wine to cool it off

• You see Barefoot wines or Sutter Home White Zinfandel on the wine list of a restaurant and walk out in disgust as a result

• When tasting wine, you describe the wine in ridiculous ways (“the nose shows notes of freshly harvested white truffle mushrooms lifted from moss covered soil wet from the morning dew, …) or using fruit that you have never actually seen, tasted, or smelled to describe the wine (my favorites are lychee, gooseberry, persimmon, or kumquat)

• You make quick (mostly negative) judgements about a person and their wine pedigree based on the wine you see them drinking or ordering

• You frequently and definitively state that the great wines of France are obviously the best wines in the world even though you haven’t ever actually tasted any of the truly great wines of France

• You assume any wine that costs less than $20 must be swill and unworthy of your attention

• You disparage an entire state’s wine industry because they aren’t California, Oregon, Washington, New York, or Virginia

As I reviewed my list, I realized that: (1) I DO get irritated and usually say something uncharitable when I see a friend put ice in their wine; (2) I HAVE nixed going to a restaurant Laurie and I were interested in trying after seeing the “pedestrian” wine list on-line; (3) I HAVE made snap judgements about people who I see drinking certain wines I don’t approve of; and (4) I DID disparage the entire Florida wine industry before I even moved here, and without having tasted a single Florida wine.

So, I need to repent and ask forgiveness from all of you! Self-awareness is the first step to recovery, so I have that going for me! But I also need to check my attitude and make sure “my audio matches my video” and I practice what I preach. And you can tell me when I backslide and start sounding like a wine snob – how’s that?!

Finally, I have been exploring FL wines and I plan to write a blog soon on my adopted state’s wine industry along with some tasting notes from my initial visits to nearby FL wineries – that should provide me with a great opportunity to showcase my new attitude and demonstrate I can be a “fair and balanced” wine aficionado.

Until then, what was your least pleasant experience with a wine snob (hopefully it wasn’t with me but go ahead and let me know if it was!) and how did you handle it?