My Epic Kitchen Mishaps

Anybody who cooks a lot is lying if they say they have never had a kitchen cooking disaster – it happens to everyone, whether you are a novice or skilled chef. I’ve had my fair share of them over the years and am relieved to say I have yet to burn down the house or cause serious damage to kitchen (although I have come close on occasion!). I thought I’d entertain you this week with a few recollections of my own kitchen mishaps over the years, so here we go!

Not my oven or my fire, but I HAVE set plenty of dishes on fire over the years!

If you cook long enough, you will start to build a pretty robust list of kitchen mishaps than can span the range from largely insignificant and minor (think accidently oversalting a dish to the point where it’s inedible) to potentially disastrous (think setting a part of your kitchen on fire). I’ve had my fair share of both and thought you might enjoy hearing about some of them and in the process, learning from my mistakes and hopefully avoiding them yourselves!

There are some classic clips available of experienced and famous chefs messing up in the kitchen. Some of my favorites include Julia Child, who often made mistakes when filming her cooking shows but always responded with grace, humility, and humor (check out the link below to see one of my favorites when she tries and fails to flip potatoes in a pan). Alas, my response to my own kitchen mishaps include strings of expletives which could make a seasoned Marine Corps drill sergeant blush, and a complete inability to see any humor in the situation at the time. Laurie always helps to calm and talk me down off the ledge once she arrives on the scene though!

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Here are a few of my “favorite” kitchen mishaps over the years.

First, anything with fire is usually bad and I’ve had my fair share of things that are not supposed to catch on fire actually go up in flames. The first time this happened to me was the first meal I cooked in Laurie’s and my brand new, gleaming white kitchen in our new townhouse in Alexandria, VA back in 1996. I was making pork stir-fry and set the wok on the electric burner to heat the oil over high heat. Then, I turned back to prepping the vegetables for the stir-fry, completely forgetting about the oil. The “woosh” sound of the oil catching fire in the wok got my attention and as I turned around, I saw tall flames and black smoke coming from the pan. Cue the smoke detector as mayhem ensued while Laurie and I tried to put out the fire and quiet the smoke detector. We had some smoke damage to the microwave above the stove (so much for keeping our new appliances gleaming white) and our cabinets, most of which we were able to clean up. Shaken by our close call with burning down our new home, we decided to order takeout that night once we cleaned up my mess.

Speaking of fires, my favorite mishap actually happened while grilling outside. Laurie and I were visiting her brother Brad and his wife Marilyn for the weekend and the menu for the evening called for grilled NY strip steaks. I turned on all the burners on the grill to high and heated up that baby so we could get a nice dark brown crust on the steaks. After putting the steaks on the grill and closing the lid, I took a quick break inside and then went back out about five minutes later to check the progress. When I opened the lid, fire and smoke came shooting out of the grill. I yelled to Brad, “Hey Brad, your grill is on fire!”. He yelled back, “You mean there’s a flare up in my grill?”. I responded, “No, your grill is LITERALLY ON FIRE!!”. Turns out we (well, OK, I!) had started a grease fire and his entire grill was engulfed in flames. We somehow rescued the steaks and got the flames under control. Once that was done, I helpfully suggested to Brad that perhaps he should clean his grill more frequently, passing on all responsibility for the fire to Brad (even though I was in charge of the grill that evening, …)!

I’m also really good at making tasty sauces and then overheating them to the point where they separate into an oily mess. It’s happened multiple times with one of our favorite dishes – Chicken with Morel mushrooms. The sauce is made up of clarified butter, lemon juice, Madeira wine, crème fraiche, and heavy cream and when it all comes together, it’s creamy and delicious. But when you forget to remove the sauce from the stovetop burner, the butter separates from the rest of the sauce and you end up with, well, a kitchen disaster. Over time, I have learned how to “fix” this problem (usually by turning down the heat to low and adding a bit more cream and butter while whisking until everything incorporates together again) but in some cases, the damage is irreparable, and I just have to start over.

And then, there’s another mishap that I’ve caused on more than one occasion – forgetting about dishes that are heating up in the oven and only realizing my error when I either see smoke coming out of the oven or smell the burnt remains of the dish (usually after dinner is finished). Forgetting about bread heating in the oven happens to me more often than I’d like to admit and in fact, just happened last year when we had some friends over for dinner – here was the result after I found the bread sitting in the oven while I was cleaning up after dinner (how it didn’t catch on fire I’ll never know, …).