Growing Up Geis - A Very Short Memoir in Two Parts

How many of you out there are baby boomers who grew up in the 60’s and 70’s? I remember my childhood fondly – I experienced an idyllic, quintessential boomer childhood with loving parents and fun siblings, … or that’s what it looked like on the surface! But what about the dank, dirty, dark underbelly of my childhood? Here’s the REAL, as yet untold story of what it was like growing up Geis!

Grade school picture in my favorite all-in-one turtleneck and sweater vest

I think most of us look back fondly on our childhoods – that’s certainly true in my case! My parents loved and took great care of us growing up. As I grew older, I came to appreciate them more and more and everything they did for us as kids. The same goes for my brothers and sister. I feel the need to say that up front, because some of what follows might call those fond memories into question! But never fear, the “goods” of my childhood far outweighed the “bads”!

My parents grew up in rural Oklahoma, the buckle of the bible belt. They were God-fearing Southern Baptists, which means there was no alcohol, no swearing, no back talk, and certainly no sass in the Geis household. We were taught to treat our elders with respect and were immersed in any and all Southern Baptist traditions. That meant going to Sunday School every Sunday morning, followed by an hour-and-a-half long church service with hymn singing, announcements, passing of the tithe plate, prayers, sermon, and once a month, communion added on for good measure. Then we did it all over again on Sunday evening, because once a day simply wasn’t enough.

And there was Wednesday night service as well just to make sure you didn’t forget God during the week. Later, that Wednesday night reminder event turned into AWANAs, the Christian equivalent of the Boy Scouts. In AWANAs, you earned patches and badges, not for learning life-long skills that would prepare you for adulthood, but instead for attending Sunday School regularly and memorizing tons of scripture verses from the bible. I don’t think I could recite a single scripture verse I memorized as part of my AWANA experience, but the uniforms were pretty cool, so it had that going for it!

Here's a picture of me faking being excited about getting a new bible for Christmas – is there any gift a 9-year-old kid would be LESS excited to get as one of their big Christmas presents? I can’t think of one off the top of my head!

Pretending I’m excited about getting a new bible for Christmas – pretty good acting job if I do say so myself!

Since this is a food, wine, and spirits blog, I can’t skip that part of my childhood! But since we were a bone-dry house with no alcohol allowed, the only topic to cover of the three is food. Given what we ate growing up, it’s a wonder me and my siblings are still alive and kicking in 2024! Breakfasts consisted of boxed cereal (Lucky Charms, Apple Jacks, Fruit Loops, and Cocoa Puffs to name just a few), pop tarts, and French toast made with Wonder bread and topped with about ¼ of an inch of granulated sugar. Whole milk and Tang rounded out the healthy start to the day! Packed lunches for school usually had a bologna and cheese sandwich on (again!) Wonder bread slathered with mayonnaise, Lays potato chips, and a Hostess treat (Twinkies, Susie Q’s, Ding Dongs, Snowballs).

My mom was actually an excellent cook so we always ate well for dinner, but some of her offerings weren’t my favorite. My first memory of food was when I was about four years old, and we were forced to eat canned, diced beets before being allowed to leave the table. I got them down, gagging, but it was brutal. Other serious “misses” by my mom included a recurring lime jello mold that incorporated a variety of disgusting fillers – sometimes grated cheddar cheese, or cottage cheese, or walnuts, or pineapple, and usually a combination of two or more of the above. One dish dinner, which was basically ground beef with frozen corn and other veggies mixed with ketchup, cheese, and then baked was another dinner I always feared growing up – absolutely hated it! But she made the absolute best chicken fried steak, chicken and green bean casserole, French silk pie, banana bread, and red velvet cake!

I had three siblings, two older brothers and one older sister. I had a love-hate relationship with each of them growing up but was closest to my sister who was actually nice to me most of the time and was only a year-and-a-half older than me. My oldest brother Ken always said that he, and I quote, “simply didn’t remember me growing up”. I always thought that was the ultimate insult in terms of both its subtleness and viciousness!

My other brother, Scott, was my tormenter, constantly chasing me around and once captured, wailing on me for some random thing I had done to upset him or just for existing as a human being. He always hit me on my arm so no evidence was left of any permanent damage like black eyes or serious bruises. One day, I got so fed up with him after a particularly vicious beating I took that I wrote a note and slipped it under his door. It read, “Dear Scott:  I hate you. Love, Mark”. True story! I was never happier than when he was getting into serious trouble with my parents (and he got in trouble A LOT). It warmed my heart and made me smile! Eventually, I got taller and bigger than Scott and was able to fight back, which marked the end of his reign of terror over me.

A lovely family picture with my parents and siblings, circa 1970ish. There’s that turtleneck/sweater vest combination again, … I was going for the Beatles mop top look – how did I do?!

My sister Laura was, as I mentioned earlier, my favorite sibling growing up. She was almost always nice to me and even let me hang out with her and her friends on occasion. The only time I ever remember really getting mad at her was what we refer to now as the “Doug McGowen Affair”. I was in 4th grade, and we were walking home from school. My arch nemesis, the aforementioned Doug McGowen, was picking on me and trying to provoke me. You see, we both had a thing for the same girl, Alison Jones, and she liked me more than him. Things got heated and we ended up fighting (well, really, wrestling) each other. In the heat of the moment, I yelled, “God damn you, Doug McGowen!!”. My sister, shocked to hear such foul language coming out of my mouth, promptly ran home to tattle on me and tell my mom what I had said (Thanks a lot, sis, …). When I got home, mom was ready with the bar of soap and commenced to wash my mouth out with it after confirming that I had actually taken the Lord’s name in vain. I still haven’t forgiven her for that.

Despite all the drama and trauma, eventually we all became great friends and frequently talk and visit each other when we can. And I think it’s fair to say we all grew out of our “Awkward Stage” that’s on display in the picture above – here’s a more recent picture of me with my siblings, all of whom I truly love!

A more recent picture of me with my siblings Scott, Laura, and Ken

Next week I’ll share more memories of my childhood, but for now, you have an entire week to unpack all of what you have read in this blog and try to understand why I am like I am today!!