Eating With the Enemy

Food and wine bring people together. But what about when your dinner companions are your sworn mortal enemies? Is that dinner destined to end up like a knock-down drag out Thanksgiving dinner brawl between the MAGA and ACO squad sides of the family, or will food and wine prevail to bring peace to the table? Read on to find out what happened when I ended up eating with the enemy.

When I was running the Center for Naval Analyses (CNA) before I retired last year, I had the opportunity to take a trip to China in 2017 with staff from our China studies program to engage in dialogs with members of the People’s Liberation Army’s (PLA) Center for Military Science. They were our “counterparts” in China, although all of their members were active-duty PLA officers and staff while most of the employees at CNA were civilians.

These “dialogs” take place all the time and at all levels of command within the Department of Defense, from the Secretary of Defense to the Joint Chiefs of Staff to the Service Chiefs and even at organizations like CNA. Their purpose is to ensure an open dialog where concerns can be conveyed, policy can be discussed, and miscommunication can be clarified and addressed to avoid bad things happening (like nuclear war for example).

My trip to Beijing was memorable and eventful. During the day, we met with our PLA counterparts, headed up by a PLA two-star General to discuss current events and develop a common understanding of each side’s positions and “red lines”. These meetings were tense and direct – the PLA came to each session with a long list of grievances against the U.S.

Also, we were never alone – our PLA handlers met us at the airport when we arrived and didn’t leave our sides (with the exception of when we retired for the evening in our hotel rooms) until we went through customs on our departure. Once our meetings for the day were over, they usually took us on a tour of historical sites which were amazing (tours of a Hutong in old Beijing and the Royal Summer Palace in Beijing were some of the highlights) and followed that with hosted dinners in the evening. Each dinner showcased a different regional cuisine such as Sichuan and Hunan, and our final night in Beijing consisted of a banquet in our honor hosted by the PLA two-star General.

Before we left for our trip, I was educated on PLA professional etiquette and in particular, proper etiquette at Chinese banquets by CNA’s China experts. There were a lot of rules to remember – here are a few (Source: MISC D0019770.A3/1Rev, “Field Guide: The Culture of the Chinese People’s Liberation Army”, Feb 2009, Cleared for Public Release):

• Chinese banquets often include multiple toasts with Chinese alcohol; if you don’t want to drink, be sure to prepare a convincing excuse, such as a medical condition. It is considered rude to drink alcohol (other than beer) when not making or participating in a toast.

• Try at least a small bite of every dish your hosts offer you. Do not “clean your plate” as your hosts may take this as a sign that they have not fed you well enough. Also, if rice is served, do not eat large amounts; this is a sign that the hosts did not serve enough good dishes and you had to fill up on rice.

• If you are comfortable using chopsticks, do so – your hosts will be impressed that you have mastered this “Chinese skill”. However, do not leave chopsticks sticking out of a rice bowl; the Chinese consider this bad luck.

Here’s the thing. Whenever we sat down to eat and drink with our Chinese PLA hosts, something amazing happened. The tension that filled our engagements with them earlier in the day disappeared, and they became gracious hosts anxious to share their food, wine, and stories with us. At the banquet we were all seated around a large round table with an electronic “lazy susan” in the middle that rotated non-stop throughout the meal, filled with dozens of different Chinese dishes. I was seated next to the PLA General with an interpreter in between us so we could talk throughout the meal.

We talked about our families and what it was like to live in Beijing and Washington DC. We talked about the food, and which dishes we liked the most. We talked about the tours we had taken in Beijing and what we had learned from them. My interpreter couldn’t stop talking about how excited he and his wife were to have their first child which was due in a few weeks. We toasted each other frequently, exchanged gifts, and departed with handshakes and gratitude for the opportunity to share a table of great food and wine with each other.

Exchanging gifts at the banquet with our PLA hosts

That’s the power of food and wine. Even when I was sitting down and eating with “the enemy”, for that brief period of time, we were friends who shared stories with each other, learned from each other, and celebrated the bounty of food and wine in front of us together. The experience taught me that none of us are really that much different from the other, and if you take the time to look for common ground you are likely to find it.

And finally, food and wine are the great equalizers that serve to bring people together. I remember that dinner every time I read a story about some flare up over Taiwan or China’s outrage at the latest uncoordinated passage of U.S. Naval vessels in the South China Sea, and how dialog, taking the time to talk and develop a common understanding, and yes, food and wine, are critical to ensuring we never end up fighting each other for real.