Cheers to the Best Mom Ever

My mom, Shirley Geis, passed away last week at the age of 88. Given that she was the best mom ever, I wanted to honor her in this week’s blog post, so those of you who knew her could share in some memories and those of you who didn’t could learn a bit about this wonderful and beautiful lady.

The only known photo of my mom drinking wine!

My mom’s passing this past weekend was bittersweet. On one hand, I miss her terribly – her smile, her encouraging words, her calm presence, and her gentle spirit. I miss talking to her, and just knowing that she’s still here with me, even though she lived in Minnesota, and I only saw her three or four times a year.

On the other hand, I’m relieved because she was ready to go and said so a number of times over the past year or so. She simply became sick and tired of being, well, sick and tired all the time. My mom never really recovered from my dad’s passing a few years ago. They were a team for 65 years, joined at the hip, and his loss both stunned her and saddened her greatly. She lost the thing that mattered most to her when he passed, and she was never the same after.

Also, she was often lonely without my dad (even though she was surrounded by family and wonderful staff and caregivers in the memory care unit she lived in the last few years of her life). Her health was declining precipitously too, to the point where her memory was starting to go, she couldn’t walk on her own and she was in and out of the hospital frequently because of falls or other maladies. So, she got her wish, and she is now free of pain and sadness which warms my heart and makes her passing just the slightest bit easier.

My mom was born in a tiny town in northern Oklahoma where she met and married my dad while still in her teens – that’s how they did it back then. She never went to college but was wise beyond her years. She took on the role of mother and master of the house to their growing family as my dad studied for his graduate degree and started his career at Western Electric as an engineer. She spent her life doing what she loved – taking care of her family and making sure none of us wanted for anything. She was a God-fearing woman and lived her life according to the scriptures – I’m confident she has the absolute best “box seats” in heaven next to my dad based on the Godly lives they both led!

I never heard her swear – not once. I also never heard her say a cross or unkind word about anyone. She was kind and gentle, forgiving, and generous with her time and talents to both her friends and family. And she was loyal to a fault – everyone knew that if you said something negative about her family you did so at your own peril. While she was gentle and kind, she was the mother hen and wouldn’t hesitate to correct and admonish (politely, of course!) someone who might disparage her family. She never raised her hand in anger and worked to resolve conflict whenever it arose in our home – she was the peacemaker and calming influence on all of us.

She was also an amazing musician – a fantastic pianist – and encouraged all of her kids to become musicians in our own right and infused her love of music in each of us. Strangely, I can’t recall a single musical artist or group my mother liked or listened to regularly. Instead, she loved choral music and church hymns.

My mom never smoked, never did drugs, and never drank alcohol. Well, never drank alcohol until I kiddingly offered her a taste of my champagne one evening when Laurie and I were visiting my parents in Oklahoma, and they took us out to dinner at the Coach House Restaurant. To my amazement (and my dad’s as well – I think it was the only time I saw him speechless, because he was a teetotaler as well), she said, “Yes, I think I will try that!” After I picked myself up off the floor, I passed the glass to her, and she took a sip. Her response? “Not too bad!”. The only other time I think alcohol ever touched her lips was when my mom and dad visited Laurie and I in Alexandria, VA a few months before my dad passed away. We took them to BLT Prime in the Trump Hotel in Washington DC (the things we do for our parents!) and just for fun, I decided to offer my mom a sip of my Chardonnay, and she accepted! I thought, who is this woman???!!! The result is caught on film for posterity’s sake – the picture at the start of this blog!

While my mom was a gentle soul and soft-spoken, she had a steely grit and determination when the situation required it. In the early 2000’s, she was diagnosed with breast cancer and she and my dad decided on the most aggressive approach possible to address it. The treatments were extensive, long-lasting, and brutal physically, mentally, and emotionally. But she endured it all without complaint, and with amazing strength and fortitude. I had never seen that side of my mom before and watching her fight for her life and defeat cancer forced me to think differently about this amazing woman and made me admire her even more than I already did, which I didn’t think was possible at the time.

And like everyone else, she had her quirks which were endearing but often funny and fodder for light-hearted joking and needling at times. For example, I can guarantee you that NO ONE ever had a cleaner house than we did growing up. There was a place for everything, and if it wasn’t in its place, she would put it there post haste! Leave a drink sitting in a glass unattended for a short bathroom break? Big mistake! Mom would sweep in and pick it up, clean it, and put it back in the cabinet before you were done flushing the toilet!

She was also always put together and dressed to the nines, even when she was just staying at home for the day. There was never a hair out of place – in fact, the bane of her existence was wind, because wind would mess up her hair and that was simply unacceptable. Watching my mom walk in the wind was one of my favorite things to do; it was like she was protecting a priceless artifact on top of her head as she contorted her body to keep her hair in place, all to no avail in the ever-blowing Oklahoma wind coming off the prairies!

Also, and this is my favorite, when my mom and dad moved to Oklahoma after my dad retired from AT&T they decided to get a housekeeper for the first time ever. Whenever we visited and the housekeeper was coming that day to clean the house, I would invariably find my mom on her hands and knees, scrubbing the bathroom floors. When I asked her what she was doing, she said, “just cleaning up a bit before the cleaners come!”. She couldn’t stand the thought of the housekeeper seeing her house, well, even a little bit dirty. She knew how ridiculous it was for her to do that, but she went ahead and did it anyway!

Finally, my mom was an amazing cook, treating us to fantastic meals while we were growing up and then when we were grown up and came to visit. There were, of course, a few misses (the lime-cottage cheese-pecan-cheddar cheese jello I mentioned in an earlier post, as well as the ham balls with sweet and sour sauce – YUCK!), but most of the things she served us were hits. Here are some of my favorites:

• Chicken fried steak with mac and cheese

• Hamburger pops (dough stuffed with seasoned ground beef, and then deep fried)

• Red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting

• One dish dinner

• Banana bread

• French silk pie

• Chocolate pudding pie

• Zucchini bread

• Peanut buster parfait desert

• Cheese stuffed meatloaf

• Chicken and green bean casserole

• Frozen banana split desert

The day after my mom passed, I was on my morning walk listening to music and a song came on from my playlist that hit me hard. It was “Into the Bright Lights” by Chris Trapper, a fantastic singer, song writer, and guitar player who is a solo act but also leads a band called the Push Stars. The song immediately made me think of my mom and her journey home to be with my dad forever. Here are the words:

Into the Bright Lights (by Chris Trapper)

Up and away we set off

Secretly scared we’d get lost

Up in the clouds, over the town

Beyond the wall

Some of us knew we might fall

Under the weight of it all

And though we’d been warned of the upcoming storms

Still we stood tall

My shadow is cast on the ground

But I’m flying too fast to look down

At the rooftops and trees

And my family waving at me

Soar from the moonlight

Straight to the sunrise

This will be our time

To free fall and nosedive

Out of the black night

Into the bright lights

With the whole world in our sight

Like a miniature paradise

So, mom, enjoy your journey into the bright lights and say hi to dad and give him a hug for me when you get there – love you both!

Mom on her tricycle in Oklahoma - circa 1930's

Mom's high school senior picture

Dinner with mom in Minnesota a few years ago

Mom at Summit Place in Minnesota where she lived - April 2022